Tom's gone

My husband has left me. That’s not really a joke, he gone. Tom took a job. We didn’t discuss it before hand he just took it without telling me. I have known about it for a while now but I didn’t want to believe it was true. Don’t tell me he wants to feel he is supporting his family – he has taken the position for 6 months but has refused a salary. I don’t care about that, I would care if they paid him tons, I still don’t want him working. He won’t be going off every day but there will be some trips and those long conference calls and days of him hold up in his study, working and preoccupied. I hate it!

I’ve pitch my fits, I’ve yelled, I cussed some, slammed a few doors. It got Tom’s attention but it did not get me my way. He says they need him and it’s important that he try to help out right now. I know he is telling me the truth but every time he tells me this is important I feel like he is telling me I’m not.

He flew out this morning and I don’t know how long he will be gone. He said he is going to be very busy on this trip and that I would be better off staying home. We made up before he left – I couldn’t stand having coldness between us with him away but I am hurt. I hate sleeping alone and I haven't had to for a long time. I just want my husband with me. I want retirement to mean retirement. I want to be enough for him.

Now don’t worry about me I just came on here for a small pity party. I just needed to unload. I’ll survive. I have a lot of support here in our neighborhood. My home wraps around me like a comforter and my dear Willow is wonderful company along with the cats. I have often told you that Tom’s plays dirty. This was no exception. When he first told me I was so angry and I was yelling. Tom let me yell for a few minutes and then he said quietly “You’re frightening Willow”. I had indeed; she had run from the room and was hiding in the bedroom. I imagine that snapped me back quicker than anything else he could have said. I did the rest of my yelling while she was out in her newly fenced side yard.

Hopefully Tom will be home in a few days. I am trying to be a supportive wife. Tom only lets me complain so much before he takes care of it in his own way, I hope you don’t mind me coming here to complain. Please don’t take me too seriously. I do know how much Tom loves me, that is not in doubt. I just really miss him.