Saturday, March 19, 2011

Way back when, part 5

This story began way back here.

I couldn’t believe what Tom had just said. “What do you mean?” I asked in shock. “You just wore me out! Tom, I can hardly sit. You can’t spank me again!”

“Cassie you ran away. If you ever do that again you can expect that exact reunion. You can call it a warm up for all I care but when we get home we’ll address the issues at hand.”

My bottom was throbbing. Every turn of the car was a painful reminder of our ‘reunion’ and the thought of more on top of what I was feeling was something I couldn’t think about. “Honey, please,” I started. “I’ve told you I was sorry can’t you…”

“Cassie I said we would discuss it at home, not in the car. You need to hush.”

I hate it when Tom won’t let me talk and it’s ever worse when he won’t talk to me. I liked the idea of talking it out while both of his hands were firmly on the wheel. So I tried again, “Tom don’t be like that. I was coming home this morning. You’ve spanked me. Let’s forget it.”

Tom slowed the car and pulled to the side of the road and turned to look at me. “Do I need to make sure I have your full attention before I repeat myself one more time?”

Suddenly realizing he was perfectly capable of blistering my bottom again right there on the side of the road and knowing I would still get another at home I hastily apologized and promised to be quiet until we arrived.

“That’s a very good idea.” Tom told me in a serious voice and he pulled back onto the road. My heart was pounding but I stayed quiet as a mouse until we arrived home. Tom came around to open my door and just getting out of the car and standing was an ordeal.

As soon as we got in I had to keep trying. “Tom I’m so sorry. I really am. Honey, I didn’t get any sleep. I need a shower. Can’t we discuss this later; maybe over a glass of wine… maybe in bed… let me show you how sorry I am…” Unfortunately Tom was not accepting my offer.

“Take your shower, and then we’ll talk.” Tom told me as he led me to the bedroom. I sighed and headed toward our bath. “Leave the door opened.” He told me, “I want to keep my eye on that window.”

Under the circumstances I wasn’t comfortable undressing in front of my own husband but I did as I was told. I so wished he would join me in the shower. But I knew that wouldn’t happen. I showered as long as I dared. I knew he was waiting on me. Tom was sitting in a chair in the bedroom watching me as I dried off. It gave me such a strange feeling. I finally took a deep breath, donned a robe and joined him.

Actually I sat on the bed clutching a pillow as though it were armor. I didn’t say anything. I knew there wasn’t one thing to say that was going to change his mind. He kept staring for the longest time.

Standing up he finally spoke. “You messed up girl. You didn’t stay home when I told you to, you were going to lie to me about it, you ran away from me, and then you hung up on me when I was worried to death about where you were. You’re not going to do that again.” Sadly, for my behind, that wasn’t exactly true but I surely would have been willing to swear at that moment that I would never do any of those things again.

Tom picked up the ivory brush from the dresser and coming to the bed took both the pillow and the robe. I was protesting but he was listening to nothing and sailed into my extremely sore bottom with seemingly full force. And suddenly he was full of questions.

“What possessed you to leave the house when I told you you were not to do so?” How can he expect me to answer question while he is scorching my bottom?

But I knew he did expect it so I managed to gasp out “Sue called and begged me to go to the casino with her. She had some free tickets to the buffet and didn’t want them to go to waste. Owwwww!” I added as he continued to spank.

“So you thought going with Sue when I told you to stay home was a good idea? What do you think now?”

“Owwww… No!! It was a horrible idea. Please stop!!” I wailed.

Tom paused a moment the asked, “When you went out the window what happened, where did you go?”

“Westly.” I answered truthfully. Ten more licks had me squirming like mad to get off his lap with no success.

“I mean right then!” he said angrily. “I looked all over for you.”

I didn’t want to say but I didn’t dare hesitate. “I stuck around and hid in Sue’s car. I was in it when she left.”

Tom paused, “Do you mean to tell me Sue knew exactly where you were all night? I’m going to ring her neck!”

I felt like suggesting he run right over to their house and take care of that immediately, anything to get him to stop spanking.

“You didn’t use a card last night. Where did you get the money for the hotel?” You have no idea at the incredible speed the mind can sort through and discard various scenarios when your backside is ablaze. I could tell him I borrowed some money from Sue – then I could keep the money I won gambling. But I wasn’t sure how soon I could get to Sue to tell her. If Tom got there first and found I had lied again… well that was something I simply couldn’t risk at the moment.

“I won a little at the casino.” I managed to gasp out.

“How much?” he asked

Heaven help me I hesitated a moment too long and 5 blistering licks land at exactly the same spot on my upper thigh!

“Not there!” I screeched before I managed to gasp out, “$700!”

“Alright Cassie,” Tom said as he began to lightly rub the smooth side of the brush around my bottom, “Do you feel I’ve gotten through to…”

“Yes, yes, Tom! I’ll never do it again!” I promised.

That only earned me another hard pop. “You listen to what I’m saying before you answer me.”

I shut up and listened to every word he had to say. I had no idea what the words actually were. But he wasn’t spanking and I surely didn’t what it to start again. But it finally ended with “… do you understand?” And I sincerely and readily agreed, to whatever it was he had said.

He rubbed a bit but I could hardly stand it. He sat me on my feet and said “Go get me the money before I take care of your bottom.”

I wasn’t about to argue. Tom has never allowed me to have large amounts of cash. Please understand he denies me nothing, but it goes on a credit card and he sees everything. I liked having a little ‘mad money’ but I quickly got what was left of the $700 (which was most of it) and turned it over.

I lay on the bed then as Tom put lotion on my bottom. I was so raw it felt like he was pouring on liquid fire. But I gritted my teeth and said nothing. Tom hadn’t slept the night before either so he joined me in bed and held me. I was drowsy and content for the moment, in spite of my pain, pulled close to Tom.

I was near sleep when it hit me. Something had happened that day that in my dread of the consequences I had completely missed. I had bolted, I had run away from Tom… and he had come after me. That had never happened to me before. When I had been with other men and bolted (or they had) there was nothing more than a ‘good riddance’. Tom had cared that I left, he wanted me back, and he came for me and claimed me as his. As I thought about it I was blown away.

Gingerly I turned over so I could look at Tom as he slept. This beautiful man was mine. He loved me. He wanted me with him. He would protect me. He would guide me and always, always keep me safe. Turning back over I gasped as Tom pulled me close even in his sleep and my thoroughly spank bottom was pressed against him. That wasn’t the last time I ran. It was years before I really, fully believed that Tom loved me and wasn’t going to leave, hard to believe now, but I had had no experience with real love before. It’s been an amazing journey. One I wouldn’t have missed for the world.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Way back when, part 4

I appreciate you all coming back for longer stories, this one began here.

I slept fretfully that night. I didn’t sleep well until about six but then I fell asleep until around nine. I woke feeling rough. I had no change of clothing, no tooth brush, I felt like a wreck. I knew I was going to have to go home, and soon.

I was just coming awake good when someone began pounding on the door. It had to be Tom. But how on earth had he found me? I’d slept in my clothes and I knew I looked like the devil. Tentatively I peeked though the eye-hole.

It was Sue and she had coffee.

“How did you know which room I was in?” was my first question.

“You don’t think after all these years I know your fake name?” She then started in on me. “Tom about ready to call out the National Guard. He has Steve and Andy and probably half a dozen others out looking for you. If he had any idea you had left with me I think I’d be tied to an ant hill by now. You have to come home.”

A small shiver shook me and I nodded. Sue is rarely seriously but her next words and her tone made me realize she was dead serious about what she was asking me. “Cassie, what is it? I know you’re scared to go home. What are you afraid Tom's going to do to you? You’re not scared because he’s going to be mad and yell. But you’re scared. Cassie does he hit you? I never thought he was like…”

I recoiled as she said the name of my first husband.

“NO!” I said with passion. “Don’t you ever say that! Don’t even say his name to me again. Tom like that… that…?” I couldn’t finish my sentence. “You’re insane!” I snapped.

“Well then what is it?” she shouted back at me. “Tell me what has you so scared that you ran away. TELL ME!”

“He paddles me.” I blurted out. “There, are you satisfied?”

“He does what?”

My face was burning with embarrassment. But I'd said it and I was stuck. I couldn’t allow her to think that Tom treated me poorly. He certainly didn’t, but how can you explain this to someone who know nothing about the dynamics of a spanking relationship. I couldn’t even bring myself to use the word ‘spanking’. I was simply too embarrassed and somehow the word paddling sounded gentler.

Sue was still staring at me in total disbelief. Finally she said “You mean on the butt? Like, he spanks your butt? Oh this is hysterical!” The absurdity of what I had told her, along with her relief that I wasn’t again in an abusive situation was too much for her. She could no longer contain her laughter and she simply cut loose.

I don’t know which emotion I was feeling the most – mortification or anger but they seemed to be running pretty much neck and neck.

“Shut – up!” I yelled, “It’s not funny!”

“The hell it isn’t.” she choked out.

I turned my back on her until she was able to compose herself. She finally came over to me and put her arm around me. “I’m sorry. Honest I am. I didn’t mean to laugh but I thought the bastard was really beating you or something. I was ready to kill him. Driving up here I was thinking of places to hide the body and now you tell me he pops you on the butt when he’s mad… hey, that sounds reasonable to me.”

“Well it hurts some.” I snapped “and it’s embarrassing!”

Perhaps I hadn’t given her the total truth but it was the closest I could do at the time. Over the years she had seen me sitting sensitive a time or two and wondered but I don’t think she had any real idea of what I was talking about until she actually saw it on the cruise. And we never really talked about it in detail for another 30 years.

“You’ll live.” She told me without much sympathy. “Come on, lets go home.”

We both turned as we heard a key in the door. It was Tom and his presents seemed to fill the room.

Sue grabbed her purse and headed for the door. “Don’t give me one of your looks.” She told Tom as she passed, “I’m going. Call me later Cassie.” And out she went leaving me with Tom.

How can you be so happy and so scared to see someone at the same time? First came the hug. I was so happy to be enveloped in his arms I almost forgot what was coming next. He held me for the longest time. It felt like heaven but sadly it didn’t last forever.

In one swift movement it went from a hug to being face down over his lap. He didn’t say a word. He just bared my bottom and began with his hand as hard as he could. It was excruciating! It was exactly what I had feared all that restlessness night. I thought I could feel all his fear and frustration coming right through his hand. I didn’t think he was going to stop. I tried not cry out but it was impossible. Finally I was pleading with him to stop and promising perfect behavior for the rest of my life.

I was a sobbing mess when he finally stopped. I needed him to rub so badly. I couldn’t stand it. As he stood me on my feet I reached back to do some rubbing myself. “No, leave it.” Tom commanded. I managed to keep my hands from rubbing but I was shifting my weight trying to get some relief.

Tom handed me my purse, there wasn’t really anything else in the room, and ushered me to the car. I was so sore I dreaded sitting. Tom opened the door for me as I eased in gingerly. Tom reached over for the seat belt (which I didn’t usually use at that time) and tightened it firmly enough to make me gasp.

Tom got into the car and turned to look at me. He had conflicting emotions in his face. I wasn’t sure what he was going to say. He finally took a deep breath and said, “Cassie, you have no idea how much I love you.” I leaned my head back against the seat and took a relaxing breath until I heard Tom finished with, “But when I get you home, I’m going to wear you out.”

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Way back when, part 3

Sue and I didn’t talk much on the 30 mile trip to Westly. I know she wanted to ask questions but she also knew I didn’t want to discuss Tom anymore. When she let me out at the hotel she asked “You want me to come in.”

I hesitated. I didn’t want to talk but I didn’t want to be alone either. “No.” I finally answered. “Just don’t tell Steve or Tom you’ve seen me since you left the house. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“You have to go home and face him sometime you know.” Sue seemed a little concerned. “ Awww… come on and let me take you back before this gets out of hand. So he’s pissed. He’ll get over it. Come on let’s go home already.”

I wavered momentarily but I was in deep and I just couldn’t back out. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” I repeated and headed in. I used a fake name. It wasn’t hard back then and if anyone was suspicious that I had no luggage they never said anything to me. My winnings from the casino that day kept me from having to use a card. I felt that I was pretty well hidden for the moment.

When I reached the room I drew a shaky sigh of relief. But overwhelming loneliness and guilt hit me too. I did think I had the right to come and go as I pleased, but I had told Tom I would stay home and I hadn’t. I felt horrible. I really wanted to go home but you have to understand that back then I HATED being spanked! I hated the pain, I hated the embarrassment, I hated the loss of control, I hated every bit of it. During the first part of our marriage Tom only spanked for punishment and gracious he was good at it! I wrote here about when things turned around a little but early on I would do ANYTHING to avoid a spanking – except mind Tom, of course.

As my lonely evening wore on I couldn’t stand it any longer. I called Tom. He answered on the first ring with,

“Cassie is that you?”

“It’s me.” I managed in a shaky voice. “Tom, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I went out with Sue today and I’m sorry I was going to lie about it. And I’m really sorry I ran out on you. Will you forgive me?”

“Cassie, where are you? I just want you home. You know I’ll forgive you. Where are you? I’ll come get you.”

I felt such relief wash over me. “Tom, do you really forgive me? You’re not just saying that? You won’t spank me?” I knew if he said he wouldn’t, then he wouldn’t.

“Cassie,” his voice was worried but it still sounded soothing to me, “you know I love you. When I say I’ll forgive you, you know I will. I’d forgive you anything. I want you to come home. We need to be together so we can talk this thing through.”

I was crying with relief. I started to speak when Tom continued, “But you need to know that when I do get hold of you I’m going to wear you out.”

“But… but…” I sputtered. That particular phrase always sent a shiver down my spine – still does. “I said I was sorry. I won’t do it again. I’ve learned my lesson, okay. There is no reason to spank me.”

Cassie, you’ve said you’re sorry and I believe you. You can believe me when I tell you you’ll be forgiven but neither of those things changes the consequences you have coming. Now where are you?”

“That’s not FAIR!!” I shouted into the phone.

Tom continued in his soothing voice. I was wishing what he was saying had been as soothing. “And why is it not fair? I told you straight up, before we were married that you were going to have to do as I said that that lying would not be tolerated. And I made it quite clear that I would spank you for breaking my rules.”

I remembered that conversation only vaguely. He had said something about me calming down and listening to him, letting him keep me safe, never lying to him. I remember him saying something about spanking me (he had only spanked once at that time) so I didn’t believe him for a minute. And besides during that conversation I distinctly remember trying to take his shirt off and turn his mind to things other than a long lecture. My saying yes at that time, when my mind was on other things, shouldn’t have meant a thing. One should not be held to a contract agreed to under such circumstances.

At that moment, as he talked to me on the phone I wanted to be with him so badly. But I couldn’t give in. I’m afraid it wasn’t the last time my stubbornness and self-destructive streak kept me from using my common sense. I slammed the phone down and cried myself to sleep.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Way back when..., continues

I'm going back and telling a story from the old days. You can go back here to catch the beginning.

I remembered Tom kissing me good-by the next morning but with no particular reason to get up I had rolled over and snuggled down to sleep as late as I wanted. I had just dragged myself up and had my coffee when the phone rang.

“Get dressed! I won two free buffet luncheons at the casino last night. I’ll pick you up at 12:00. We’ll eat and spend the afternoon at the craps tables.”

I loved the luncheons at the casino and at that time gambling was one of my favorite past times! Tom’s rules drove me crazy. But like a good girl I told Sue. “I can’t go. I’m exhausted, really. Tom wanted me to stay home today. Can’t we go tomorrow?

“Exhausted my ass! No we can’t go tomorrow, the tickets are for today. Now get ready.”

“Okay, sure, I’ll go but we have to be home before 5:00. Tom really didn’t want me going out today and he’s going to be ticked if he finds out.”

“Fine, anything you say but I have to tell you, you are starting to pay way too much attention to what Tom says. You need to get over that.”

Easy for her to say. Back then, even more so than today, Tom spanked hard! Now there was no way on earth I was letting Sue know that. But although I liked to go out and have my fun, spankings were something I really tried to avoid.

But I went, of course, and we had a wonderful time. I was even having a pretty good streak and won over $700 that afternoon. We pulled into the driveway just before 5:00. That was the earliest Tom got home, it was usually closer to 6:00 but I still peeked into the garage with my heart pounding. Tom’s car was not home and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Sue came in and joined me for another glass of wine and picked up a topic I really wanted her to leave alone. “What’s with Tom anyway? Why would you be so worried if he knew you had gone out today? Are you some kinda of prisoner or what?”

“It’s not that… well, I mean he worries when I get tired and crabby so he told me to stay home. I usually don’t mind doing what he asks. Honest Sue, he’s the best man in the world but… well, sometimes it’s hard doing everything he wants me to. I have to be creative. He wanted me to stay home. I wanted to go. I’ll tell him I stayed home – he’s happy. I got to go anyway – I’m happy. This way we both win.”

“That’s not really the way I see it.” Tom said coming out of the bedroom.

I thought I was going to have a coronary! I truly couldn’t speak. My heart was lurching in my chest and I wasn’t able to make a sound.

“Where the hell did you come from?” Sue asked seeing I was totally incapable.

“I had the car serviced this afternoon and they drove me home. I came home a little early to get to spend some time with Cassie. But she wasn’t here.” Tom hadn’t taken his eyes off me.

“Yeah well, that’s my fault. I really needed her today. I had to talk her into it. Sorry. I didn’t know you were coming home so early.” Sue seemed to sense I needed saving although at the time she didn’t know from what.

“Cassie’s old enough to make her own choices.” Tom answered her, still looking at me. “I don’t think she made a very good choice today.”

“Oh what’s the big friggin’ deal? We went to lunch – get over it!” Sue told him.

“The big deal was,” Tom said, still not looking away “I asked her to stay home and she said she would. Cassie, I’m like to speak with you alone. Would you wait in the bedroom while I show Sue out?”

I still hadn’t regained the power of speech. Clutching my bag I left the room without glancing at Sue. Sue was angry. “You’re sending her to her room? What is your problem?” Sue continued telling Tom what she thought of him for a few minutes before Tom was able to get her moving.

Tom was escorting her to the door even as she was speaking. Totally ignoring her rant he was saying “I’m sure Cassie will call you tomorrow. Give my best to Steve.”

Sue didn’t like the ‘Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry’ routine but finding herself outside she stormed to her car and yanked open her door before turning back to Tom standing at the door.

“Let me tell you one thing you big jerk, Cassie’s been married to one asshole. I won’t see her in that situation again. If I ever find out you ever lay one finger on her I’ll… I’ll…”

Will you get your ass in this car and drive?” I hissed from my hiding place in the back seat of Sue’s car. I had startled Sue nearly as badly as Tom had startled me earlier but she recovered quickly.

She looked back at Tom and spat out “You’re an ass. You better have Cassie call me.”

Sue waited until she turned the corner and was out of sight of the house before she spoke. “You scared the crap outta me! What are you doing?”

“Momentarily avoiding confrontation.” I answered.

“So where we going?” Sue wanted to know. “My house?”

“No, too close.” I closed down my mind. I didn’t want to imagine Tom coming into the bedroom and finding I had made a break for it. The open window wouldn’t leave much doubt. “Drive me to Westly.” I told Sue, “I think I need a hotel for a few nights.”

Friday, March 11, 2011

Way back when...

Allie and Ryan are doing well since their little spat. Thinking about it the other day, Allie taking Ryan’s car and all, I had to laugh. Running away from Tom was something I did much too frequently during the first few years of our marriage. But I never took his car. I mention that to him one night and asked, out of morbid curiosity, what he would have done.

“Would you like me to show you?” he asked in mock seriousness. “I feel like you know exactly what I would have done. Still would, for that matter, if you pulled a stunt like that. I hope Ryan got that nipped in the bud.”

I lay back against Tom and thought back to those days. I could tell you many stories of me running out on him. Sometimes I was only gone a short time but there were times I evaded him for a week or more. I don’t think there are many things I have ever done that have made him any madder. I’m afraid some of the stories are pretty dark – it was a bad time, but some strike me as funny now. NOT that I would ever tell Tom that. And truly there are parts of my anatomy that thought all those incidents were dark and scary.

Before we were married, back when I was a wild child, I needed constant activity. During the day we had brunches, shopping trips, visits to the casino (this, of course, was before the infamous cruise), luncheons, club meetings, afternoon teas, dinner and dancing and sometimes all night parties, I just had to be doing. Stopping and having time to think was something I didn’t like. It was a bit better after we married but old habits die hard. When Tom was at work I had to be on the go. Often this swirl of activity was too much for too long and I would become exhausted and quite ill tempered and snappish with Tom in the evenings.

Tom, of course, would only put up with this for so long before he put his foot down. Sometimes Tom would take off and spend the day at home with me. Those days were wonderful. He would pamper me and it was a wonderful day of rest and relaxation.

One evening I arrived home after Tom (something he didn’t like to begin with) and I was so tired. I think I came in biting Tom’s head off about something. I was just on a tear. Tom took all he was going to take. “Cassie, I know you’re tired and I know why. All this running around is going to stop. I don’t want you leaving this house tomorrow. I can’t stay home with you but you're going to stay home and resting. We’ll see about the next day but I’m not putting up with your attitude any longer.”

“I’ll do as I damn well please!”I flared. “Nobody tells me when I may come and go. Stay the hell out of my business!”

I know, you all feel free to groan at this point. But in my defense we hadn’t been married a year. If I managed to go a few weeks with no spanking I tended to forget exactly what it was like and I reverted to my old self. Unfortunately for me, Tom was his old self too!

I got about three swats with his hand before he realized I was wearing a girdle. Rather than try to wrestle it off at the moment he quickly pulled me into the kitchen and laid into my latex encased bottom with a wooden spoon. He was burning me up with that thing, hard and fast and no let up. I was yelling but managed not to cuss while doing it. I was much more compliant when he was finished. So when he told me to get ready for bed I didn’t argue.

That darn girdle! It was retaining the heat from the spanking to the point of cruelty. Yet taking that horribly tight thing off was a punishment in itself. You young women have no idea how awful it was to have to wear those things. As I finally freed myself from its evil clutches I angrily threw it in the trash. Tom walked in then with my supper on a tray.

“That’s the perfect place for that thing.” Tom said, glancing at my discarded foundation garment. “I hate when you wear that.”

“It’s not like I want to wear one, you know.” I fussed. “I’m just trying to look good for you most of the time.”

“I’ve see you without one on occasion and I found you quite appealing.” He told me with a smile.

I slipped on my gown and curled up on the bed. Tom had brought me in a light supper. He sat the tray on the bed and turned serious. “Cassie, your attitude this evening is a perfect example of what I’ve been telling you. You do too much. You get tired and ill tempered and I’m not putting up with it. Now you are not leaving this house tomorrow. Do I make myself clear?”

I didn’t like it one bit. I felt like a child being grounded. I tried to get a little leeway as I ate. “I’m sorry I was so ugly when I got home. I’ll cut back honey, honest I will. But I don’t like not being able to come and go as I like. Can’t you stay home tomorrow?”

“We have people coming in from out of state and I have to be at work tomorrow. But you better listen to me girl.”

“Fine!” I snapped. “But I don’t like it. You’re not fair!”

“I’m not asking you to like it. But I’m telling you to mind me.”

It annoyed the devil out of me when he told me to ‘mind’ but I didn’t say anymore. I had every intention of acquiescing to Tom’s wished. At least that was the plan until Sue called.