Ouch!

I won’t be doing any blogging for a while. No, I am not in trouble although I know good and well that is probably what you were all thinking. I was running to the front door Saturday afternoon when I slipped on the leaves and fell. I managed to knock myself out, break a small bone in my hand and scare Tom nearly to death. He says I was unconscious, I think I was just a bit addled for the moment. I was able to keep him from calling the air ambulance and just let him drive me to the hospital because my hand really hurt. I have a minor concussion and a huge bandage on my hand. Tom insisted that they keep me overnight for observation. The only thing really wrong with me is an extremely over protective husband.

Sad to say but my mouse hand and one of my two typing fingers is out of commission for a short time! Tom says no blogging, accept for this, so I could tell you why you won’t be hearing from me for a while. Of course he says I can’t drive either. I think there is a conspiracy to keep me from driving! I don’t know why, I have one good hand. But it doesn’t matter that much because Tom is home. Anyway, I can read emails if anyone wants to communicate. Tom did not say I couldn’t answer them, just no blogging, probably because he didn’t thing of it and, no, he does not read my blog unless I ask him to. Maybe when I get a splint on it I can do a bit more typing. Until then I’ll be reading to keep up.

Love you all,
Cassie

My niece typed all that for me. She knows I blog but not about what. And she is not the nosy type. She is also not wild about Tom because she thinks he is too bossy! LOL

Radar

I have a question. I have to ask it, although Paul may be the only one out here that knows and I bet he won't tell me anyway. My question is - Why is it that when I act like a lady and behave just as Tom wants me to 23 hours and 50 minutes a day, why is it that Tom will pick that other 10 minutes to walk in on me or suddenly start listening to what I am saying? It’s not fair, it’s not right, but it always happens! I swear the man has radar.

I am not in any trouble but today Tom was in the basement, had been working down there for about an hour when the phone rang. I got it, some one asked for David and I told them that they had the wrong number. Instead of saying “I’m sorry” they just slammed the phone down in my ear! So I muttered, quietly to myself, “Well kiss my ass”. Of course Tom had walked in at that time. I got a quick paddling on the spot while I complained that I was just talking to myself, his only response was “Ladies don’t swear”.

It started me thinking of all the other times when Tom’s timing has worked out perfectly – for him! When we had been married only a couple of years when we were on another trip with our friends we had had a great day, the men golfing and we ladies mostly drinking by the pool. When dinner time rolled around I was feeling no pain and I was ready to party! I put on my new dress, one that Tom had not seen before. We wore long dresses back then and this one was spectacular. The nicest feature was a slit up the side, way up the side!

We were ready to go down when Tom got a call from the office that he ‘had’ to take. He sent me down to tell the other he would be a bit late. As I started out the door he looked at me and said “Cassie, you do not need any more to drink.” While I thought that that was an interesting observation I didn’t hear a direct order in the statement I joined the others and ordered another drink.

We waited for nearly a half an hour and still no Tom so we decide to order with out him, however, we were being ignored by all the waiters and it was beginning to bug me. We had tried to catch the eye of one of the waiters to no avail when I decided I would get someone’s attention (I hadn’t planned at that moment for that someone to be Tom!). When a waiter headed our way again I was determined to stop him. As he drew close I whipped out of my chair, threw my leg up and planted it on the table beside me with my leg blocking his way. Well I got my money’s worth out of the slit. The waiter smiled and as he drew near and I said “Do you think we could have some service here?” To which the young man replied “Ma’am I would be happy to service you anywhere!”

We were all laughing when I felt someone at my shoulder. Of course that was when Tom chose to join us. Did you have any doubt? That waiter melted away but another one came at once. Tom held my chair and as we sat he reached over and took my drink and sat it in front of his place. I have no idea how a look from Tom can affect my blood alcohol but it had a sobering effect. Tom asked me what I was having and he gave both our orders to the waiter. He then said “I am sorry to keep you all waiting, but if you will excuse us for another minute I need to speak to Cassie”. Cassie had no desire to be spoken to at the moment. But it was not a request.

Back in the room he quickly unzipped my dress and removed it. As he tossed it onto the chair he said “Get rid of it, I don’t want you to wear it again.” He then put me over his knee for a quick but intense spanking! Owww! For a short hand spanking it hurt like the devil! I managed not to cry. Tom went to the closet and chose another dress for me to put on. As he zipped it up he said something I have since heard a million times “If you would not do it with me standing beside you, don’t do it!”

We joined our friends for supper and dancing afterwards. I though I had gotten off pretty lightly until the next morning. When I came out of the shower the next morning he was standing by the bed with the hairbrush. What? I don’t get spanked twice for the same thing! Tom said, “I did not address the underlying problem last night. You would never have acted like that if you hadn’t had too much to drink and I told you when you went down not to drink any more. You ignored me.” I told him that he had not told me not to have another drink and I recited to him exactly what he had said. That particular bottom scorcher came with a lecture on semantics.

I don’t drink like that any more. In fact except for a glass of wine occasionally I hardly drink at all. Most of the time I still feel like I am trying to learn the lessons of that weekend. I still act impulsively and I still try to use semantics to my advantage whenever possible. Still doesn’t work. So anyway, Paul, will you give me any insight into this radar you gentlemen have and how I might learn to get around it?

Early Days

Tom’s comments when we first got back from out trip have caused me to go back in my mind to about the time we met. I wasn’t a lady then. I can think of several words to describe me but none that Tom will let me use. I cursed too much, drank to much, was with too many men in too many awful situation. I wasn’t the person I am now this person was created by Tom. It took work on his part, perseverance and love. When we married I didn’t understand that kind of love.

My friend helped me so much before I met Tom. Some of the four couples (from the cruise) have been my friends since way before Tom. These friends tried to keep me from marrying my first husband and tried to help me get away afterwards. After he died they got me out of countless situations. My poor judgment was boundless. My friends have removed me from dangerous situations, they have taken me to the emergency room several times, and one dear friend even flew to London once to extract me from a situation that he had warned me about in the first place. If only I had know that Paul, Mel and Sky were so close! Surely between the three of them they could have helped me come to my senses!

Tom came to work with one of those friends in 1970 and we met that summer. When we went out my first impression (other than how beautiful he was) was that he really wanted to talk to me, not many men wanted to talk. I have written about my first spanking I was so angry when it started and so in love by the end of the day my head was spinning. I thought about this when Eva wrote about her wedding day and how things might have been different. I don’t know if a very young man could have pulled it off. He would have had to have extraordinary confidence. But it worked for Tom.

Our wedding was three weeks later. No blood family but about twenty friends that truly cared about us. I am not sure that I realized before the wedding just how much of a trial I had been to my friends. The dear man who had retrieved me from England walked me down the isle. When the minister asked “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” I heard a resounding chorus from my friends “We all do!” Tom laughed and kissed me, I couldn’t help laughing too.

Tom had told me before we got married what he expected of me. He wanted me to relax, calm down and let him take care of me. He wanted me to act like a lady and to use the good sense that God gave me. He told me that he would warm my behind if I didn’t listen to him and do as he said. I remember the conversation and that I didn’t really pay much attention. I remember thinking “You and what army big boy”! I just wasn’t hearing what he was very patiently trying to tell me, this is still a problem sometimes. Unlike Mel I did not get spanked on my honeymoon. I didn’t get spanked until four day after we got home! It didn’t take many cursing tirades from me to be convinced that Tom was very serious about this.

Tom was patient, loving, firm and constant, traits I had never encountered in a family member before. I am so grateful for everything he brought into my life. It was not smooth sailing from the first, as you have seen I still have trouble doing the smart thing sometimes. But Tom has never changed, he has never wavered. Because of him I am the person I am today. I hope I make him proud.

_______________________________________

Tom and I discussed this post for a long time. I knew I wanted to write it but I wasn’t sure I wanted to post it. I don’t show him everything I post but this was different and if he had said no, you would not be reading it. He told me I could post anything I felt comfortable with but that he wanted to add his thoughts. I told him I would include anything he wanted.

Tom said,

I see small changes in Cassie since she has been writing. They are good change I think. She seems is more confident these days. I do not know why Cassie chooses to tell some of the things she has on her blog. When I told her she could continue I chose not to censor her unless she was getting herself into trouble. She will write whatever she chooses. However, a correction must be made to this post. My Cassie has always been a lady, she was born a lady, I have created nothing. All I did was provide a safe place for Cassie to become herself and I am inordinately proud of her.

Cassie's Tom

How did I get here

I did what most of the rest of you did, I typed in a ‘spanking’ search just days after touching a computer for the first time. Some of what I found was so awful I am surprised I kept looking. But once I found Bonnie I was delighted. I can honestly say I had absolute no thought of having my own blog – none! But Bonnie’s stories were so good I couldn’t help but think back on some of my memories.

I emailed Bonnie and was amazed and pleased to find that she was indeed a real person and was so very kind. I wrote my first story and sent it to her. I really did not expect it to be good enough for her to post it, but I was dying to share some of these memories with someone! The fact that Bonnie had agreed to read it herself was really all needed. When she thought it was good enough to publish it as a guest post I was thrilled and amazed. People commented! I just could not believe it. I was so touched and I was dying to communicate back with them. Especially Tiggr who’s first comment really touched me. I emailed her and we have been friends since that day!

I tried to hold off, I didn’t want to be pushy, but soon I had sent Bonnie another story and bless her heart, she posted that one too! I was really getting hooked. I didn’t know how to post comments. I think I tried to post anonymously once and it didn’t work so I assumed you had to be signed up somehow before it would take the comment. I emailed Tiggr and asked for help. I thought I was asking how to post a comment, I truly have no memory of exactly what I asked her but before I knew it she had helped me set up a site of my own! It scared me to death, first what in the world would I do if Tom found out and now that I had a blog what was I going to say?? I guess you know the answers to both those question. Big, big thanks to Bonnie and Tiggr for all they did. And much love to all the wonderful, wonderful people here. You all mean so much to me. Thanks to Elis for the question. And to Tom, my special thanks for understanding and letting me continue.

Sunday afternoon

The Toy has already gotten me in a little trouble, but it wasn’t the car’s fault and it wasn’t my fault either. Last Sunday we had a church lunch right after services. I was helping in the kitchen so Tom was pretty much on his own. We were finishing up and I was washing dishes (yes Elis, I know how to wash dishes and I don’t like it any more than you do!). My friend was looking out into the fellowship hall and she said “Cassie you better leave that and go rescue Tom.” I took a peak out and as usual when I am not with him he was surrounded by 3 or 4 widows and a couple of grass widows (divorces). They usually back off when I am with him.

I finished up and went into the fellowship hall just by the kitchen door and waited. I knew Tom would be looking for me and he was. As soon as he saw me I got that special look that is mine alone. My friend saw it too and said “I would give anything if my husband looked at me like that”. It is so nice; I always light up when I see him enter a room too. As soon as he saw me he excused himself from the ladies and came over. I told him I was ready to go and went to get my purse. By the time I got back they were on him again. They want his opinion on finances, on moving to a smaller house, on legal matters. I don’t know why it gets under my skin so. I am truly not jealous. I mean I do not think Tom is going to walk in one day and say “Well Cassie, it’s been nice but I’m leaving you for another woman, have a nice life”. But they still bug the fool out of me.

As we were headed to the car I begged Tom to let me drive. I rarely do when he is in the car. But it was a beautiful fall day and we had the top down and I wanted to show off. Several stopped to comment on the car and they were drifting away as I got really to head on up the driveway when one of the old bitties said loudly “Oh wait, Tom honey, I just need to ask you one more thing…” Well I floored it and burnt rubber out of there, I didn’t really mean to, I was just ready to leave. I wish you could have seen the look on Tom’s face as I swung out of the driveway onto the road. He just couldn’t believe I had done it. He started fussing on the way home but I couldn’t hear very well in the car.

When we got to the house I went to change clothes – probably not the best timing. Tom followed me to the bedroom and picked up the leather paddle. What had I done? He proceeded to tell me. He said that I had been rude and unladylike by driving off in the first place when the ‘lady’ had wanted to speak to him and that I had behaved like a child by squalling tires out of there. I point out that she was no lady when she spent all her time trying to steal the attention of someone else’s husband. Although he agreed he said that her behavior was not under his control, mine was. I was over his knee by this time and there wasn’t much use to continue arguing. He wasn’t really mad, just a bit annoyed. He certainly wasn’t harsh. And it didn’t take us too long to find out way to the bed for a good part of the afternoon.

Later in the day Tom said “If I ever hear of you driving like that again you are going to see just how much this new paddle can do. Now you mind me, Cassie.” I’ll listen, I don’t want to give the ‘lady’ the satisfaction of knowing she got to me. And it’s not good for the car. But, oh my, it did feel good!

More about birthdays and presents!

I am a big kid about presents and Tom knows this. He gives the best gifts, not just at birthdays either. He gave me my first birthday gift (that I could unwrap) late on the night of my birthday. He likes to give me jewelry and I do like to receive it! My first gift was a beautiful necklace. I haven’t had it off since.

The next night there was another package on the bed waiting at bedtime. Now some of you have already guessed this one partially correctly. Tom is into presentation and the package was beautiful. When I opened the beautiful box and looked beneath the multicolored layers of tissue paper I fund the leather paddle I had gotten on my shopping trip! He said he kept it because it was well made and it would also reminded him that I was fully capable of slipping off and doing anything I felt like behind his back and he could use it to easily remind me of what would happen if I kept up my headstrong ways. Some how that’s not exactly what I had intended when I bought the darn thing! Sadly he told me the rest of my purchases were gone. He said that the crop I picked was nothing more than a trashy toy wouldn’t have it the house. The cuffs are gone to. He didn’t like the idea. Well, I guess me neither. We tried it out later that evening. He was gentle because I was still a bit sore. It may at some point in the future it may be something to be reckoned with!

The next night after dinner another box was delivered to our room. It was a flowerbox with a beautiful blue and silver bow. I love flower, especially in a hotel suite, it makes everything homier. But when I slid off the bow and opened the box it wasn’t flower. I was a beautiful, honey colored, leather crop that Tom had ordered from somewhere in England I think. Tom was watching my expression and I was so tickled he laughed at me. It was like I was a child who had asked for something totally ridiculous. He said “I have no idea why you want this but it you must have one I wanted it to be the best.” Eva, we must talk!

But the next night – Oh my! He gave me the best present ever! It was another small box so I was expecting more jewelry. It was so much better! When I opened the box nestled on red velvet was my driver’s license and my credit cards! I was two months with out the license and a month without any cards or a bit of cash to my name! I feel like a free women!

I felt like my birthday was complete. I couldn’t think of another thing I wanted. But Tom did. It’s actually something I have been asking for for 20 years and getting nowhere. But when we finally got back home – there it was. I got a new car! Finally one like I wanted. I’m not quite as spoiled as you thing. It has been 8 years since I got a car and I always hated the old one. I looked like a 90 year old would drive it for a funeral car. I have always wanted a sports car and now I have a convertible! Of course it came with a long list of dos and don’ts that is longer than the car itself! Supposedly it’s just for driving around town and not for long trips; I quit listening to the rules because they went on and on. But it is beautiful and I love it. Tom calls it ‘the toy’.

I love it and I am so excited and happy to have it but I also know that part of the reason Tom got it for me was to make me as conspicuous and possible. He loves it when the kids at church come to tell him where they saw “Miss Cassie”! I don’t know why he gets such a kick out of this. I never go anywhere I am not supposed to. I mean there is no where in town that I am supposed to avoid but he loves to have his ‘spies’ everywhere. Maybe if I ever need to I can bribe the kids to silence by letting them drive it sometimes!

After the way our trip started off and how much trouble I was in I would have never thought it would end up as it did. I told you Tom was the most wonderful man in the world!! I’ll be back when I’m not out cruising!!

For Paul

Paul, I feel you have taken on an awesome responsibility befriending, guiding and encouraging these lovely ladies through your comments. While I will not be joining you, I do admire your courage. Best wishes on your birthday.

Cassie’s Tom


Dear, dear Paul, Happy Birthday! You are such a special man. You are always such a calm voice of reason. As Tom said, you are a guide to us all.

When I first began reading Bonnie I assumed that she and all those who commented were in their twenties, maybe thirties. Maybe they are a bit older than that, but I was still pleased to find a peer close to my age. This was another big step in feeling normal. I love reading every thing you have to say about Mel and the magical marriage you shared. I hope we can enjoy many years of sharing our ups and downs and our views on life, love and spankings!

Hugs and love to the 2nd most wonderful man I know!

Cassie

Reading Blogs

So much to tell, so little time to tell it. We had company last weekend and they have stayed over. It has been fun but we were gone a long time and I want my house and my husband to myself! We can’t play when others are here!! Oh but I am getting to spend all my time with Tom and I am loving every minute of it!! I hope he never works again. I haven’t taken any sub jobs. I just hate the thoughts of spending the day at school when I could be with him.

Tom likes my writing! I am so proud! We didn’t talk much about blogging the day after my birthday. I though I should let a bit of time pass before I mentioned the computer but I was dying to email Tiggr on her birthday. So Saturday night I asked if I could send an email the next day. The look I got was not encouraging. “I am not sure I want you on a computer just yet” was his answer. So I tried again “Tom its Tiggr’s birthday. Please can I just tell her happy birthday and that I’m okay. She could let everyone know for me.” So Tom wanted to know about Tiggr. -- Anyone want to take that question??-- I sat there smiling wondering exactly what to tell Tom about our Tiggr. I told his that she was my second friend here, right after Bonnie and that we began emailing right after Bonnie posted my first story. I didn’t tell him right then that she had actually created my blog for me because I didn’t know how. I did tell him later – Tiggr he may want to have word with you about that!

So I told him that Tiggr was a wife, a mother, a teacher and a good friend. He finally said that I could send one email and sat with me while I did. Can anyone say ‘short leash!!’ By Sunday evening I think that Tom’s curiosity got the best of him and he called to have the hotel bring him a computer to use. He let me get him started and he went to he first of my blog and began to read. Talk about a stressful situation. He wouldn’t let me even sit where I could see the screen. He told me to relax and read a good book or something – oh, really! He read all right, sometimes I think he forgot I was there. He was frowning most of the time but I finally heard him chuckle. He was reading about the cruise. After reading for more than an hour his the first thing he said was “Paul has good sense.” How typical of the male of the species, a window into his wife’s mind and he bonds with Paul!!

He kept reading and I had almost drifted off the sleep when suddenly Tom yelled “Cassie! So help me if you ever…” I thought I had been shot!

“What, what are you reading?”

“If you came home with a tattoo…”

It was a joke I told him, just a fantasy story! The story isn’t even posted on my site he was just reading the comments! But we both started laughing. I think that was when he started to relax about the blog a little.

Over the next few days he read lots of things on Bonnie site, and Eva, Elis, Grace, CeeCi, and Theresa. I think it was the humor that got him. He has a wicked sense of humor himself. He was mad at several things on my blog. Mostly the planning of the ill fated shopping trip but I reminded him that he had already spanked me for that and it wasn’t fair to do it again. We read on and off for much of our trip. After a week or so I was sure he was going to let me blog even if he hadn’t said so. He let me send Tiggr another email and he just seemed to relax about the whole thing. I think it was more your posts that caused him to let me stay. I thank you all for your help. So now you all know how I came back. When I get chance I will tell you about my birthday presents!

The talking begins

When I threw the ice bucket at Tom I felt as bad as I ever have. I just couldn’t believe that I had done it. He did exactly what Paul said. He held me on his lap and let me cry. When I finally got words out I told him how sorry I was. I told him I wanted the computer gone. I told him I would never bring it up again. At that moment I really did want it gone. I felt like I had become a different person if I could throw something at Tom. I kept talking and crying until Tom finally started teasing me. He said that the blogging had been important enough for me to try to take his head off earlier so maybe I had better tell him what I liked about so much.

I stayed quiet a while, not sure if I should start and what to say if I did. I felt complete at that moment. For the first time in a while I was completely with Tom. I felt so good lying against his chest. For a time we just breathed together and I realized that everything would be okay no matter what he decided. That was when I began telling him about all of you. I told him that I had made friends. That was the most important thing. The stories were fun. I loved to read everyone’s stories and I really enjoyed writing. But this was the first place in years that I had made friends on my own. Not as Tom’s wife, but as Cassie. I told him that I love being known as Tom’s wife but that this was special too.

He was scared of who you all really are. He wanted to know how I was so sure of what everyone was telling me. I told him that if he read your blogs he would know how I felt and that before he decided either way I wanted him to read some of your work. That’s when I told him “Tom some of my friends wrote letters to you.” That got him. “To me, what do you mean, to me?” I went and got them. I had seven letters, some you guy have read and some were emailed to me, even several friends who don’t even comment. All of these letters are so very special to me. I cannot possible thank each one of you enough.

Tom read each one slowly. He was really giving them his full attention. When he finished, he pulled off his glasses and said “Well everyone seems to agree on two points, you really deserved a spanking and that you are a very special lady. They were right on both counts.” (You guy could have left the spanking part out, you knew he would come up with that on his own!) He continued “Okay, I believe that these are sincere. You have developed friendships here. But Cassie I don’t like the idea of your spreading out personal lives out for other to read. This just makes me extremely uncomfortable.” You know how sometime you realize that the next thing you say is going to be the most important thing in the conversation. This was one of those moments so I said “Can we please get some dinner, I’m starving!”

He seemed startled. So I went on “Tom, all I ask is that you read what I have written and some of the other before you decide and then whatever you decide I’ll abide by it.” I felt very light hearted at that moment. It was completely out of my hands either way. He was willing to listen and that was all I needed.

Later that night we were getting ready for bed Tom came up behind me and put his arms around me. He said “I didn’t know if you would be in the mood for me to say this today or not but happy birthday.” I spun around. I had totally and completely forgotten. I had never forgotten my own birthday before but on that awful day I had never given it one thought. He gave me a long wonderful kiss and asked “Are you ready for your birthday spanking?” Nooooo! “Tom, I don’t want…” He just laughed as he took me to the bed, “Well maybe we can put that off and find some other way to celebrate tonight.” And we did!

Let me explain

This isn’t the post you are looking for; this is a quick one to explain. You guys think I am dragging this out for effect. Let me quickly explain. Tom is letting me blog but my time on the computer is severely limited in comparison to what I had when he was working day and night. I want to answer emails. I am dying to read everything that went on while I was gone. I want to comment some and certainly reply to all who are kind enough to come by. I also want to write exactly what happened on the trip. We’ve got company this weekend. And do you remember, by the way, you are reading the work of a little old lady who had never touched a computer, or a keyboard, until 6 months ago --I type with 2 fingers.

It makes me feel good that you are anxious to hear my story! With all the wonderful stuff to read each day I am always tickled when everyone comes by. I have even been getting up when Tom goes to run to be on computer, not behind his back mind you, so I can get caught up. And while you have to know the complete joy I feel that I can be here with all of you, you will always come in second when I have a chance to be with Tom.

Thank you for checking back. I am looking forward to telling you lots that happened on the trip.

Continuing

I don’t think I slept at all that night. I never had the feeling of waking up, I was just awake. About 4 I got up and got dressed and sat in the living room. I actually hurt thinking of the computer being gone. I even thought of going to the lobby were there was a computer anyone could use. But I have left a hotel room before without telling Tom where I was going and he had impressed on my mind (and other places!) that I had better not repeat that mistake. I paced a bit. And I wrote in my paper journal. But by 6:30 I thought if I didn’t get out of that suite I would explode. I was in such a fowl mood I didn’t really care if I made Tom madder. I got my purse in hand, actually opened the door to the hall. Then I shook Tom’s foot. When he half sat up saying “What…?” I said loudly “I’m going down for coffee.” And I was out the door and gone. I might have heard him shout “Cassie” as the door slammed but I wasn’t sure.

I got my coffee and took it out on the porch and sat half hidden by a big plant. It was close to ½ hour before he found me and the man was not pleased. He said “Alright Cassie, that enough.” That’s Tom’s only warning and I do know to take it seriously. As we went back to the room I got two hard pops on my extremely sore behind which was enough to convince me I didn’t want to push him too far.

We went out and walked around the beautiful old city. Usually the beauty and calm of the place soothes me greatly but not this time. By early afternoon I was so very tired. I hadn’t been sleeping well for a few weeks but I hadn’t slept any the night before. So we went back to the hotel and I laid down for a nap. I slept all afternoon and woke up around 6:00. When I got up I knew I had to make one more attempt to talk to Tom about blogging.

Tom asked me if I felt better and I told him yes. He wanted to know if I had decided where I wanted to go to dinner. He was acting like everything was supposed to be back to normal. I said “Tom please, I want to talk about the blog. There are still things that you don’t understand and I at least want you to know.” Tom stopped me, “We’re done with that, and I don’t want to hear any more.” At that moment I really felt that it was over. I felt a range of emotions and they were all very strong. My mind was casting around for something else to say, my heart was hurting with the loss of my friends. That’s what my mind and heart were doing; meanwhile, my hand picked up the ice bucket and threw it at Tom.

Thank heavens the man has good reflexes. I missed him but the bucket hit the lamp and knocked it off the table. I don’t know which of us was more shocked. I was horrified! Tom just stared at me. He finally got up and walked over to the lamp and put it back on the table. He picked up the ice bucket and brought it back to where I was still standing. He turned to me and put his arms around me and just held me. I couldn’t stop crying. He finally said “Well, honey, I guess what you have to say must be pretty important to you. Okay let’s talk.”

That was how it started.


We have guest coming this weekend and I won’t be able to be on the computer much, but I will tell you about the conversation as soon as I can. I promise!

Telling Tom

Telling Tom about the blog was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Maybe if I had approached it differently it wouldn’t have been so bad. Maybe I should have just said “By the way, Honey, I’ve been writing a blog for several months about our sex life and how you spank me. Have I mentioned this before?” The reaction would have probably been the same but at least it would have been quick. I don’t recommend it, but if you really want to know how it felt to tell him. Cover your body with band-aids and remove each one slooooowly.

My plan had been to tell him in the car as we were driving to Williamsburg. I thought it would be easier if he wasn’t looking right at me. But I couldn’t seem to start. More and more time went by and suddenly we were there and I hadn’t said a word. We checked in and went to dinner. I couldn’t eat and Tom finally asked “Cassie what’s wrong, why are you so quiet?” My heart started pounding and I managed to say “I have to tell you something.” I don’t know what my face looked like but Tom immediately asked “Are you sick, is something wrong.” I shook my head no and Tom said “It’s not something little is it, Honey?”

Back in the suite I just took a deep breath and started. I told him that back in the spring when we got the computer I had explored different places and had found some a site with some romantic stories about spanking. As soon as I mentioned the computer his eyes narrowed I could tell he was already suspicious. I told him I finally emailed the women whose stories were so good. Oh he didn’t like that one bit! “You emailed a perfect stranger; you had no way of knowing who you were writing. That wasn’t smart Cassie!” I tried to explain that I had come to know Bonnie through her writing. But of course I had more to say so I plunged on. I said “Tom I wrote a story, I wrote about when we met and the first time you ever spanked me. And I emailed the story to Bonnie.”

“You - did - what?” Tom never yells when he is really mad, but his tone conveys the same message. Can you imagine how scary it felt that he was so mad and I still had so much to tell him? “Cassie you wrote a story about our private lives and let a perfect stranger read it?” I was starting to panic. I said, “Please Tom I have a lot to tell you just let me tell it.” I started talking faster. I told him quickly that Bonnie had posted the story and that people had liked it and left very nice comments, so I said “I wrote another one, about the cruise and people liked that one too.” Tom was dumbfounded but he said quietly, “Cassie, I’m going to wear you out.” I didn’t doubt it.

I told him “Wait, Tom there’s more.” I really wanted to go on but suddenly I just couldn’t. I just sat there. We were quiet for a while and it was Tom who finally spoke “You have one too, don’t you Cassie? They are called blogs, right? That’s what you have been doing on the computer all this time.” I just nodded. He wanted to know how long and I told him I first started reading in May and I started my blog in June. He asked “Do you have anything else you should tell me?” I knew it was not a time to bring up the letters or my desire to continue blogging so I just told him no, that was it.

We just sat there a while longer. Finally Tom told me to go to the bedroom and wait for him. I knew he was trying to calm down a bit. And deep down I then knew Dante had been right. I had hurt Tom’s feeling by investing so much of myself and my time into an endeavor which did not include him. I had done something I knew he wouldn't like, and I had kept it all from him. This isn’t allowed in our home and I knew that from the beginning. But I did it anyway.

When Tom joined me he went right to his suitcase and took out the ivory brush. I swear that – darn – brush is better traveled that most people I know! It has been on every trip we have ever taken! I hate that thing and I have often thought of getting rid of it but I have always been too afraid. Tom – the one in our family you can trust was true to his word. He proceeded to wear me out with that hateful thing. He let me keep my slacks on for a minute. But he wasn’t in to much of a warm up. He stood me up in a minute and removed my slacks and panties at the same time. The he just went to town! The spanking was bad, but I knew I deserved it. It was what he was saying that was devastating. He told me my site was coming down and that the computer was gone. When he let me up my rear was scalded and I was heartbroken. I don’t know when I had ever felt sadder. My only hope was that I would be able to talk to him about it more when he calmed down. But the last thing he said before he went to bed was “Cassie I’m serious about this. If I hear one more word about it I’m going to spank you again.”

I went to bed heart broken but I never went to sleep. Somewhere around 4 in the morning part of my sadness gave way to anger. By the next morning I had decided that if he was going to be mad anyway I’d give him something to be mad about.

It was agonizing for me why not let you guys wait too!

I'm Back!

I’m back, I’m here, I’m legal, and I’m in the open! I feel like I could go on Oprah and leap onto her sofa!! Tom laid down some blogging rules that should be easy to live with. I can’t tell you when I have been happier. After an extremely rough time when I first told him he finally listened to me, he listened to you and while I know he still has some misgivings he is choosing to treat the whole thing with a sense of humor. My heart feel like it is filled with helium and I could just float away on joy!

After Tom read everything I had posted I could pretty much tell that he was going to let me continue. He thought much of it was funny although I could tell a few could still give me a warm rear. He wanted to know what else I had been reading so I took him to Bonnie’s site first, then Grace, Eva, Theresa, CeeCi and Elis. He agreed that they seem like nice, normal people. Then from the comments, he wanted to see Tiggr and Sky’s sites. I am not hiding anything but I told him that you guys sometimes posted pictures that might make him uncomfortable and that I would rather he not visit at this time (Tiggr and Sky I hope you understand.) He could know all he needed to know by reading your comments. I’m not sure why but he agreed. I really don’t think he wants to get mad again.

When he told me that he wanted to post something I was dumbfounded! I simple couldn’t believe it. He and I disagree about my state of mind when we met. I do not think I was in such bad shape. But who knows Tom’s memory maybe better than mine. In either case I thank God he did find me and took care of me. He is still taking care of me and I am still grateful. As I think back on events during the first few years of our marriage I guess I did give him cause to worry. I did make some very careless, downright dangerous choices sometimes. But that was so long ago. I will admit sometimes my choices these days might be foolish but I do not do anything intentionally dangerous. You would think the fear would ease after 30 years!

These are my new blogging rules, considering that I expected to never blog or possible email again I won’t be breaking any of these!

No leaving the bed in the middle of the night to blog, or touch the computer for any reason.

I had been doing this more and more when Tom was asleep because I was having trouble sleeping myself. I really don’t see how this is any different from getting up and reading or watching an old movie. But I’m not arguing.

Limit my time on line each day.

He left this open ended but I will be sure to give him no reason to complain.

Always write like a lady. One thing this means is no cursing.

Can you tell me one other blog that has as language any milder than mine?? He was annoyed about this. He said that he knew words might some times slip out when someone is upset (I get spanked when they do though!), but I had to make a conscience choice to type it. So I will try to watch it.


Absolutely no contact other than the internet!

He was adamant on this! If this rule is broken the computer goes once and for all.

I gave him one rule too. I told him that I didn’t want him reading what I wrote everyday. I want to be uninhibited in what I write on a daily basis but that I would show him the stories when I wrote them. He laughed and said I didn’t get to give him rules and he would read anything he wanted to anytime he wanted to. What a shock, but it was worth a try! He did say he didn’t plan on checking it on a daily but he would check it out when he wanted to.

Soon I will tell you exactly what happened when I told him. But for me it was miserable time so I wanted to tell you the happy ending first. I will say more about it but a special blessing to those of you that wrote letters. And an even more special thanks to Eva who started it all. There was a ton of talking between Tom and me to get to this point, but I don’t think he would have let me keep talking with out all the love and support he saw in the letter! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so happy to be home.

Tom

This is Tom. Cassie is here with me as I write but she won’t be able to read this until she posts it. I am sure she would leave some of this out but this is my one and only post the content is up to me. I was not happy to learn of Cassie’s activities behind my back. I have expressed my displeasure to her personally and I feel sure she understands. I do understand why she hid it from me but that is still no excuse.

When Cassie told me of all this I wanted the site shut down at once. When I am upset with Cassie and tell her to do something in no uncertain terms I expect it done without discussion. Cassie knows this so you can understand my surprise when she didn’t acquiesce at once. Evidently this meant more to her than I understood. We talked quite a bit. We discussed it for days. She seemed to feel that she had truly made friends through this pursuit. Because of the news stories about the Internet I was dubious of this claim. I must tell the ladies who wrote letters to me through this unusual method that this correspondence was instrumental in changing my mind.

I will tell you that I loved Cassie from the moment I saw her. I was also frightened for her. She was not in good shape. She did everything to excess. I felt that she was close to self destructing. She has gloss over her early life and marriage as if they were minor annoyances. They were not. Her parents were self-centered, abusive, and neglectful. As for her first husband, the luckiest thing that ever happened to him was that he died before I met Cassie, otherwise I would have killed him. Once I had her I never wanted to let her go. There was no one caring for her. She had been allowed to run wild and it was killing her. That is why I took control right from the beginning.

I do not mean to bully Cassie; I simply want her protected, safe and happy. At this time this internet play ground she has developed for herself seems to fulfill these requirements. She has asked that I leave it to her and allow her to write in private without fear that I will be reading over her shoulder. I will not agree with this completely but I will stay away as long as she agrees to abide by some guide lines I have given her. If I ever feel that she is in a situation where she needs my help I will step in. And if I ever feel that this is not a good thing for her I will pull the plug.

I have read everything that Cassie has written here. I enjoyed a great deal of it while a few other posts may need further discussion. I have also read with interest many of the comments. I was happy to see much common sense in the advice she received from some of you to some of her more willful plans. I see too that she does not always listen to your advice either. I will ask one thing please, if she tries to get a tattoo someone stop her.

Tom