Who’s the boss?

Now that Lily is officially one of us we’ve had a fine time truly getting to know one another.  The therapist/ counseling world lost a jewel when Lily didn’t take up that trade, she would have been superb at that profession. I also think she would have made a great bartender.

I rarely speak of my childhood or first marriage even here on my site, which I consider my safe place, and even more rarely to people I see daily.  But when you talk to Lily she makes you feel like your story is the most important thing in the world to her. She got me talking about my childhood one day and ended up holding and comforting me for quite a while, as I surprised myself when I burst into tears.  The stories I’ve shared about my first marriage outraged Lily so completely that she angrily told me that she’d ‘Like to dig that so-and-so up and beat the stuffin’ out of him!’

But most conversations with Lily are full of laughter. She will sit with us in the morning when we have coffee.  We’ve told her many of our old stories. Lily frequently wonders aloud why ‘Mr. Tom and Mr. Steve don’t take a stick to you two.’ None of us have responded to this musing. There is no doubt we love Lily, however, we do have a problem and Sue and I felt recently that the time had come to address it.

This may come as a shock to some of my readers, but I don’t like to be told what to do. I grudgingly listen to Tom (when I have no choice), but listening to Lily is another matter all together. It seems that Lily also wants to be the boss and I don’t need another!

Lily is a scold.  She frequently fusses about things even Tom chooses to let go with just a frown, but not Lily.  I’ve been known to step out on the deck some cool mornings without slipping on my shoes – if Lily sees she pitches a fit.  I’m trying to lose a bit of weight.  Tom’s not in favor and Lily starts fussing if I try to skip breakfast or lunch.  She wants to know where I’m going if I pick up my car keys, she wants me to wear a bike helmet.  She fusses at Sue for not wearing a sweater or coat outdoors; Lily has a fit if she hears any cussing.  She’s onto both of us about being sure to take our meds and she won’t quit harping that we, in her opinion, drink too much.

Sue and I have had enough and we decided that it was clearly time to let Lily know that as her employers, friendship not withstanding, that we were indeed the bosses and her fussing and scolding needed to stop!  I shared with Tom that this conversation would be happening soon and he seemed highly amused.

“Don’t laugh at me.” I fussed, “I don’t have to mind Lily now do I?”

“Oh no,” Tom assured me with a twinkle in his eye. “You only have to mind me.  Just remember though that quite often what Lily tells you is likely to coincide with what I’ve all ready said.  Just don’t get yourself in trouble trying to defy Lily and end up defying me. Because if that happens I will properly toast that beautiful little bottom of yours.  Listen to me now.” I gave Tom a scowl and he gave me a kiss and a firm swat on the bottom as he headed to work.

That afternoon Annie and Andy were away looking at granite for the new house.  Sue and I had agreed that Annie being there would undermine what we had to say. Tom, Steve and Ryan were going golfing when Tom got off work so Sue and I decided the time was right. While Lily was working upstairs, we grabbed a bottle of wine; both for fortification and to prove we had the right.

As Lily came down the stairs I called to her, “Lily, Sue and I would like to speak with you for a moment. Could you join us?” Lily came in with a suspicious look on her face, which changed to a dark frown when she saw the wine bottle.

“Lily,” I began before she could start in on us, “please sit down.”  I was using my formal – I’m not fooling around – voice. “Sue and I need to speak with you about a problem.  I’m sure you know how much we enjoy you working for all of us.  You know you have become a true friend, not just a valued employee.  But you seem to be having a hard time realizing who’s the boss around here.”

Lily’s face was calm and expressionless as I continued, “You seem to feel it’s your place to tell Sue and me what we should do and not do. It’s not. If we choose to go out barefoot in the snow, it’s our business.  Whatever we choose to do – be it smoke, drink, or cuss, it doesn’t concern you.  You don’t need to know where we are going every time we leave the house. As much as we think of you, you have to realize who is in charge here.  Do you understand who the boss is?”

Lily sat quietly for a moment then softy, as if repeating it to herself she said, “Do I understand who’s the boss?”  Suddenly her voice became quite firm, “Now that’s just silly talk. I know exactly who the boss is.  It ain’t my place to tell you two what to do – you’re old enough to know without being told.  You don’t run around in the cold with no shoes or coat or you’ll catch your death, and you know better than to use ugly language around me or even each other.  You do that and you’ll end up saying it in front of other folks and that just makes you look like trash.”

Lily was just getting good and wound up, “And you better be tellin’ me if your men ain’t here where you going when you leave the house.  You’re too old to be off by your lonesome and no body knowin’ where you are.  And you ain’t going to sit around drinking all day neither.  I don’t want people saying that I work for a couple of old lushes.  It’s just not ladylike. And,” Lily went on, rising to her feet. “You better not ever let me catch either one of you smoking or I might just smoke me some britches.  Now,” she concluded, “that we got all that straight I’m going to fix you all a snack.  Supper’s gonna be a little late. And you don’t need this.” She said, grabbing the wine bottle, “a glass a piece is plenty.” And then she was gone.

Sue and I stared at one another until Sue finally said, “Well I guess you got her told.”

“You weren’t much help.” I told her.  I shook my head trying to clear it. “Do you get the feeling our snack’s going to be animal crackers and milk?  How can she make me feel so old and so young in the same tirade?” Finally Sue and I exchanged looks of amused exasperation.   We each sighed as the realization dawned on us, unfortunately we felt one thing had been settled, there seems to be very little doubt as to who’s the boss.

My Christmas Wish

I didn’t mean to lure you here under false pretenses.  I don’t have a story for you – well now, that is not exactly true.  I do have several stories that you might be interested in, but I've been too busy to find the time to write.

Right now I simply wanted to take a moment to let you know I’m still here, still behaving like a perfect angel (that’s nearly true) and that Tom is still keeping his arm in shape with frequent loving attention to his favorite part of my anatomy.

Annie and Andy are here for the holidays, Allie is home from school and there is constant activity here.  I do love it!  For so many years Tom and I were alone.  Loving each other completely, but still it was just the two of us.  Now we not only have our friends here, we have a son – a son!  Not to mention a daughter-in-law to be.  Our lives are full and so very, very blessed.

To everyone who has ever come by here I wish you the very merriest of Christmas seasons!  I pray that each of you will be able to spend the holiday season with someone you love.  I’ll soon be here soon with more stories and I hope you will come back to visit.

Merry Christmas

From

Cassie

Tom

Ryan

Allie

Willow

Sue

Steve

Annie

Andy

So happy you dropped by for LOL Day

Love our lurker’s day, one of my favorite days of the year.  You can’t know what it means to me to have visitors come by to read one of my stories.  When I see that someone has left a comment I feel as happy as a child with a gift. I know my blog is a bit unusual, but it is what it is, and I am so honored that you come here to read.

I know many of you come by, but don’t leave comments. That’s all right, but I certainly wish you would.  If you did I can answer your comment and let you know how much I appreciate you coming by. When you come by and read I picture you sitting on the deck with Sue, Allie and me sharing a tea party or a glass of wine and a good visit.

I hope you will leave a comment if you come by today.  But whether you do or not, always know that you are welcomed here.

Cassie

The real me

I found a card that expresses the real me, 

I'm just not sure Tom would approve.

My brother Paul

To the very best brother in the world!

Thank you, Paul for coming into my life. I hope you're having a wonderful birthday.

Love,

Cassie

The Flags of Summer

Beautiful summer time!  I am enjoying it so much. Having the children here is such a joy to me.  Allie is heading back to school this week, without Ryan.  I know that is going to be hard on her.  He’s always been there for her.  I’m happy to have him here close to us but I know how much they want to be together, so I’m sure we’ll see her often.

Let me warn you this is a nice mild post telling you some things about our summer – not much on ‘topic’.  That post is coming to be sure, but this post is about a silly idea Tom had this summer.

Ryan has begun his lawn/landscaping business.  Small scale to be sure.  He will only take a small amount of help from us.  He acquired a small business loan.  That boy can truly stretch a dollar.  He stays busy, busy, busy, but he seems happy and I’m enjoying watching him grow his own business from the ground up.

This summer has made me really stop and think of how much my life has changed over the past few years.  During the first few years we were married we lived close to Annie and Sue and some other close friends.  But as the men grew in their careers headhunters came after them and we were all pulled apart, physically if not emotionally. Since they were all in the same line of work we always had meeting and conventions to bring us back in contact and, of course, we often vacationed together.  But twenty year ago, when Tom and I moved back east there were long stretches when I didn’t see the girls that often.  As much as I loved Tom, it was a lonely time for me.

I didn’t do well during that time.  I know I was drinking too much, it was also when I ran into a little problem with prescription drugs, you can imagine how that went over with Tom.  I always had ‘functions’ to attend.  I was friendly with the wives of Tom’s co-workers and the ladies at the church, but no one really close.  We lived in that big old rambling house with few close neighbors.  Tom was really my world and when he wasn’t with me I was lonely. That was one of the reasons blogging was such a joy to me from the beginning!  I had friends to talk to all the time – and they like me for myself, not just because I was Tom’s wife.

It wasn’t long after I began blogging that we moved to the River and life changed completely.  Ryan came often back then, though he didn’t live here.  Next door to us were Kate and Andrew and their wonderful children.  Allie became one of us – as dear to me as Sue and Annie.  Her brother Drew is special too. That adorable 12 year old we met that first day here, that pudgy, little fellow with the shy smile is now sixteen and six foot, four.  Taller than Ryan!  He and Willow are the best of friends and he is her favorite playmate.

About three years ago Sue and Steve, to finally put an end to my nagging, move four houses from us and near that time Ryan moved into their guesthouse, where he still lives. All of these wonderful people have enriched our lives and completely changed mine.

One thing has not changed – I would still rather spend time with Tom than anyone else on the planet. If he would stop working and wanted the two of us to go live in a cave by ourselves – I’d go!  But I don’t see that happening.  And deep down I know it wouldn’t be good for Tom.  Tom needs his work.  He loves it, he loves the contact with his peers, and he loves the intellectual stimulation.  As much as he loves me, he wouldn’t be as happy not working.  He only goes in three days a week so I get him and his attention most of the time.  He needs work like I need my extended friends and family.

Our lives are full! There have been times this summer, however, when Tom feels our lives are a little too full.  Over the years I’ve had to compete with Tom’s career for his attention – but Tom has never had to compete with anything for my attention.  And he still doesn’t, but he occasionally feels that way.  During the day Sue and I are often together at one house or the other with Allie joining us when ever possible. We enjoy spending time at the club where we have made more friends. 

The beautiful weather this summer finds us grilling out more often than not, since our back yards adjoin, we often combine our dinner resources with Kate and Andrew for large meals.  Drew has a new girlfriend and with other neighbor’s stopping by on there evening walks it’s not unusual to have more than a dozen people scattered through the back yard enjoying the weather and the good company.

It hasn’t been unusual this summer for Tom to make his way through the crowd to my side and whisper, “Come watch the sunset with me.”  And we’ll sneak away to the boat and go out alone. Such a peace steals over me at those times.  Tom will anchor the boat in a quiet cove and we sip wine as I lay back against him and watch the sun sink.  Sometimes we talk sometimes we’re just together in the quiet.  It’s as close to heaven as I expect to be in this world.

But one night early this summer Tom wanted to invite everyone over.  He not only invited our ‘family’, he included the whole neighborhood.  After dinner, Tom stood and told everyone he wished to make a toast. 

He began, “I first want to toast to all our guests.  When we first moved here this entire neighborhood came to us and made us feel completely welcomed.  You have given us your time, your help, your support, often your food, and most importantly your friendship. I hope we have given back a small measure of all you have given. I toast you all.”

As I drank, I was looking at Tom curiously. Something was up, he wasn’t just welcoming our guests he was making a speech. But I was in the dark as much as anyone. He went on, “I’d like to make a second toast to the most special person I know.” Tom turned to me, “To my lovely bride.”

He continued, “I have had the privilege of spending the past forty years and more with this extraordinary woman.  I’d take another forty any day, but it seems lately that I need to make an appointment when I want to see her. It seems my girl has turned into the bell of the ball and I can never find her alone.”

Our guest began laughing, but I could tell where he was going and I was quite upset that he was going to insult our guest and chase my friends away.  Unfortunately, no way of stopping him came to mind.  I tried to give him a ‘look’ to convey my message, but he wasn’t taking the hint.

“Therefore, with the help of my son, and my neighbor Andrew here, we have arrived at a workable solution.” With that Tom reached into a tall box near him and pulled out one of those decorative flags.  I have a few holiday ones I put up occasionally on the deck. This one was bright red with a large sailboat in the center – it looked a bit gaudy to me.

“This is my signal flag – this flag flying on our deck means we are perfectly content alone and we need no company.  If you see it, assume that we are otherwise occupied and will not be receiving guest, or even phone calls.” The group was laughing freely by this time, but I was mortified. To me Tom seemed to be announcing that we were getting ready to have mad passionate sex the minute we could get these people out of our yard!  Later that evening Sue helped me realize that in that crowd, with the acceptation of her and Steve and Allie and Ryan, no one would imagine more than a spirited game of scramble or a power nap. Perhaps she was right, unless I gave it away with my blushing.  I suppose looking the part of a sweet, little old southern lady does have its advantages.

But Tom wasn’t finished.  “Cassie and I do love entertaining and we love company.  Anytime the flag is absent we hope you’ll drop by.  I also know that we are not the only ones around here with the same problem.  Therefore, I have a flag for each family here.”  Reaching back in the box Tom pulled out perhaps 20 more flags.  I couldn’t help laughing along with everyone else as all the men surged forward to get one.  Tom finished with, “You’ll notice ours is not flying tonight, so please plan on staying late and enjoying yourselves.”  Walking over to me he gave me a delightful kiss to the cheers of our guests.  As everyone began to mingle again I just shook my head at Tom.  Old devil, he has to control everything – even the neighbors.

Soon Sue and Allie joined me.  “That was embarrassing!” I confided in them.  “He’s going to chase all my friends away.  You two better not stop coming over.”

Allie piped up, “I love it!  You know I’d spend every day over here if I could.  Mom used to fuss all the time when you guys first moved in.  She’d say ‘Leave those poor people alone.  They moved here for peace and quite and they don’t want teenagers around all the time.’  I used to have to fight the urge to come over every time you stepped out into your yard.”

“Even now sometimes I want to come over, but if Tom home I’m always worried I’m interrupting something. Now I’ll know and I’ll pester you all the time the flag’s down.”

“You have never been, and could never be, a pest.” I insisted, although I did remember a time or two that her ‘YOU-HOO’ had come at a less than opportune time.

Sue piped up, “Oh, he doesn’t want it for the wild sex! He just wants to make sure no one walks in on him beating his wife and call the cops on him.”

I just shook my head at her; honestly her word choice often leaves something to be desired.  But then again, I realized her basic sentiment might just be true.  I took a stab at defending my desire ability “Just because that’s the only reason your husband wants to be alone with you doesn’t mean that’s all Tom wants.” I pointed out with a haughty smile.

I must say, giving Tom credit, the flag has worked well this summer. It has not inhibited folks from dropping by when it’s not up and that was my fear.  Tom loves to point out flags up all over the neighborhood as we take our walks.  For the summer he has been treated as the man of the hour.

As for my personal activities this summer, as usual, I’ve been an angel.  Most of my trips over Tom’s knee have been for our mutual enjoyment.  But of course he has been too bossy about a few things – he and Ryan both.  And this unnecessary meddling in my affairs did end up being a problem for both Allie and me.  I’ll tell you about it as soon as I can.